eeuurrgghh reading about how the grandmother's feet were bound from the age of two was horrible- know it was tradition and the reasons for the binding are perfectly explained as part of the culture but how barbaric!!!! Already heard of this but never really thought about it before in much detail- sounds ghastly, painful and very inhumane!! Cannot imagine how painful must have been having your toenails grow into the soles of your feet!!!

how can that be considered erotic-thinking about the smelly,rotting feet under the bindings would be enough to turn anyone off!!

think i am really going to enjoy reading this from the little taster i have read.....can't wait till next wek to read the next installment-am finding it fascinating so far the way the grandmother had to live- always having to watch herself in case a disgruntled servant made trouble for her with the general; not being allowed to leave the house!!

it is amazing and astounding to see how other cultures live their lives- and unlike kite runner or a thousand splendid suns which were only based on what goes on, this is a true account so everything we read actually happened!!

I was horrified by the description of the foot binding.  I'd heard of it before of course, but didn't really think about what was involved.  The crushing of the foot with a big stone sounds horrifically painful.  I was also interested to read the attitudes towards women, the disappointment in having baby girls, and the making decisions and then telling the women what was going to happen.

Am already drawn into this book and want to keep reading on. I thought I would be getting mixed up with the chinese names etc but feel like I'm following it so far. It's reminding me a little of 'Memoires of a Geisha' - especially the different rankings of the woman in the house. My heart nearly broke at the idea that the Grandmother wouldn't be able to bring up her daughter and I was relieved by the end of the chapter that she had escpaped and then was set free following the funeral.

Someone had told me about the foot binding and I think I remember learning about it at school and seeing some of the tiny shoes the women wore in a museum ... they are like dolls shoes. It makes me feel sick but also made me think of some traditions that still go on (the neck stretching rings in African tribes, hot coal tattoos etc) that must be equally painful but seem to be more socially acceptable for some reason.

I knew about the bindings, I remember seeing about them on newsround when I was a kid, but I thought that it was just binding them in material, I didn't know about the stones and curling up the toes.  I suppose that was considered a bit gruesome.

I too read with horror about foot binding, even though I knew about it  It is only a couple of weeks ago that an email was going around with pictures of a bound foot.  If you Google foot binding China you get to see lots of info and pictures etc.

But while I was researching foot binding I found this -:

“Into the 19th century, corsets were very popular in Europe and America.  The perfect waist was 18-19inches around . Society demanded the tiny "wasp-waisted" look

A girl started to wear corsets around age 14.  After years of pulling corsets tighter and tighter, they dislocated internal organs-- constricting the lungs and heart, putting pressure on the liver, pushing up the stomach, squeezing the small intestines and bowels, and compressing the bladder.

A women who wore a corset could not sit down straight, fainted easily, had heart ailments and digestion problems, and died in childbirth and of organ failure”

“The Padaung tribe of Burma considered a long neck beautiful. About
age 5, girls were introduced to the first neck ring. As they grew, rings
were added. Their shoulders were pushed down, making the neck look
longer. Also, this showed off the family's valuable metal rings,
indicating wealth.  A woman wore up to
twenty pounds of rings on her neck and even more on her calves!

A fully stretched neck was between
10-15" long!  A woman could not drink from
a cup, because tipping her head back would
overbalance her and she would fall!  She could
only drink from a straw. And forget looking
at the sky!  If a woman offended her tribe, her
rings were cut off and she would choke to
death, unless someone held her head up!  “


Every culture has forced women to accept a certain ‘view’ of beauty and if they want to get a man they must conform to that view.  It is still the same today.  Silicon breast, tummy tucks, removing ribs for narrower waists, removing toes for narrower feet, hours in the dentist chair having crowns fitted and teeth whitened. Face lifts, neck lifts, bottom, lifts.  Even operations to restore virginity for the next man to be the ‘first’ and operations for women to tighten things up after childbirth so men get more enjoyment.  (Yes, I watch TV programmes on cosmetic surgery)!  Then of course there is the hours of endless exercise classes and the gym, near starvation on weired diets the obligatory self tan and sun beds. Etc etc.  women still jump through hoops in the hope of getting a rich man (or preferably a footballer)  I was in the hairdressers the other day reading celeb mags and could not believe how 'stars' who had just had babies where been vilified for having some extra weight and the suggestions was if they didn't lose the weight they would  lose their husband to some more deserving super slim stick.  Every page was the same, if it wasn't weight it was clothes.


I despair that we well ever move on and stop torturing ourselves and make men accept women as nature intended – more or less.  I am not sure I could get used to hairy legs and armpits.  

I was predictably enough horrified by the foot binding description -- I did know about it and how it worked (that the sole was broken in two), I even saw some pictures a while ago; I had no idea though about the fact that it hurt permanently and it was like a wound that never was allowed to heal (I thought that after a while the broken bones "healed" in that position). Also, I have never thought about the difficulties the daily life held for a woman with bound feet -- she had difficulty walking, she couldn't carry luggage, etc. All obvious and common sense things when one thinks about them but I didn't until now.

Another thing I had found interesting was the fact that some children back then had no name (such as the mother of the narrator's grandmother). That's ... wow. I wonder if that happened in Europe too (raising children that had no name -- I somehow doubt it due to the fact that children in Europe needed to be baptised for religious reasons so most likely they also got a name in the process.

I was also a bit amazed by the ceremonial of becoming a concubine -- it was sort of like a wedding only the woman did not become a wife. This is another thing that I wonder if it ever had a sort of equivalent in Europe.

thought it was horrendous how chang's mother was treated by the other children but guess it was only natural as children follow the examples set by their parents and if the parents gave the impression that the bullying was acceptable then the kids would think nothing of it- but when they pushed chang's mother down the well!! Imagine the consequences if she had died!!!

Felt sorry for the grandmother who, having been granted her freedom, had to face the shame of returning to her fathers house who didn't even want her there!! Glad she met the doctor and he must've really loved her to give up all for her and pretty much become poor again and start anew!!

it was so sad that the eldest son couldn't accept his fathers decision and ended up dying after trying to prove a point with the pistol. he should've spent less time trying to convince his father to do what he wanted and more being pleased that his father had met someone else he could care for so badly and how selfish was te son's wife. came away with the impression that she put the ideaof the sons bravado in his head and was more responsible for his death than the grandmother ever was!!

The part that shocked me the most in this chapter is this:

Quote:

Once, soon after they had moved into Dr. Xia's house, my mother had just settled down into what looked like a nice, comfortable, warm place on the kang when she saw Dr. Xia's face suddenly darken, and he stormed over and roughly pulled her off the seat. She had sat in his special place. This was the only time he ever hit her. According to Manchu custom, his seat was sacred.

I can't properly explain why, but I find it horrendous (and at the same time quite strange) that the doctor who was such a kind man hit his wife only for sitting in his place.

I totally agree with what Sparky said and couldn't have said it better myself

I was amazed at the end to see that the grandmother was considered to be a woman who has married twice -- so her being a concubine seems to have brought her less than the privileges of being an actual wife (see first chapter) but all of the disadvantages of being one (and I feel yet again lucky to have been born in my time and place )

The doctor thoroughly impressed me by his capacity of starting all over again at the age of 66. Wow. Not sure many people could/would do that. Wow.

first of all

Quote:

I can't properly explain why, but I find it horrendous (and at the same time quite strange) that the doctor who was such a kind man hit his wife only for sitting in his place.

Kay ... it was his new wife's daughter who he pulled off the chair. I think this just shows the power of customs and also a human side to the Doctor who seems so kind and gentle with everything else he did. Perhaps there was also some resentment that he had given up so much for his new wife and step-daughter ... perhaps this was a moment of frustration on his part and that he felt the least his step-daughter could do was respect a tradition/custom (afterwards he probably would have realised the poor child wasn't aware).

I found I was gripped even more by the 2nd chapter ... that the grandmother found love and felt sad of how she spoke about their relationship 50+ years later. The lengths that the family went to not to accept the Grandmother into the family shocked me but again reminded me of the cultural differences between our societies.

I also felt it was quite a special thing that a man in his sixties was brave enough to start again.

Can't wait to keep reading on! Such a good choice ...

I found it quite a shock to realise just how entrenched 'custom' and 'tradition' were.  I can't think of anything remotely comparable in British custom.  To put your view of honour above your life is just so alien.